Nod from an old master

I never hid the fact I am an insecure person. I am always second-guessing myself and I don't take compliments easily. But despite that, people know that I manage to speak looking pretty confident and knowledgeable about the subjects I like (well, I guess I *was* an actor, but that's not the point). Thing is, I did a first prototype of the groundwork for one of my new projects - which happens to be in the exact area that my old mentor is now working with. And he came over yesterday night and I showed it to him.

"Is this your first attempt at this kind of thing?", were the first words out of his mouth. I must admit I was slightly disappointed, until he completed his sentence, "because it took me a few tries to get the hang of the basics like you are showing here". Oh, the thing is FAR from perfect and he did have criticism, but the fact is... I just may have some talent for this whole design thing after all.

I will not lie. I think it was partly luck, partly having been given an excellent framework by the people who came up with the story concept behind it. But even then, some of the loose ideas that I threw at him resulted in very positive comments - in the "whoa, this is awesome!" area. I had my creative side buried for so long now, I forgot I was able to do some of these things. This may sound strange, but this kind of inspiration isn't exactly something you open a tap and it comes out on demand. It's as if a spark had laid dormant there, waiting for the rock to be moved. I don't think this will be happening this easy from now on... but knowing it's there? It just warms me up inside and gives me some of the confidence I need.

***

Creativity is a bizarre thing. I told my old master that I have a few crutches I use - among them my beloved mechanic pencil, which is a rapport I share with the guy who came up with the story and this project. I actually gave one exactly like mine to him after he mentioned he also loved them. Music can be another one: I have a playlist on iTunes called "Emotion" that helps me write. They are very much like Dumbo's Feather. I realize it's just a tool to focus my inner potential, but they are necessary nonetheless.

Sensibility is my other tool. I shared with my master that I fear the academic environment because of their need of referencing arcane references and using complex jargon - I am a very intuitive person, with a very analytic mind. I destroyed (with no pride, I must add) the earlier prototype of the project just briefly looking at it, going at a lot of flaws I saw - they were transparent to me before I even had a playtest, just looking at the documentation.
...
You know, it's funny. There is this friend of mine who likes to wear this mask of a grumpy, mean person who lost faith in Humanity. But he has a huge heart and is one of the most sensitive people I know. I like talking to him because he can point out the archetypal scenes, songs and actions that fill fiction and reality in seconds. I can too, to a degree, but he blurts it out casually and I am not even sure if he realizes just how sensitive he really is for those things.
(it doesn't hurt he is also very good at pointing the race's stupidest stunts)

The thing I like the most about him? It's that sometimes my sensitivity feels as much as a curse of weakness as a quality to me. But seeing it reflected on him, it makes me feel great for it.

We are ourselves, indeed, our biggest critics.

Outlook: promissing!

God, I can't stop listening to this song!